Are You Addicted to Being Unhappy?

love. hands in the shape  of a heart holding a rose

Addicted to suffering?

Surely not, right?

As crazy as this may sound, many of us have become addicted to feeling bad. When things begin to get too good we find reasons and ways to be miserable.

Playing the victim is easy because we don’t have to take responsibility; it’s much easier to blame someone else for our own unhappiness than to face the fact that we may be creating our own problems. Ever notice how some people drag around their problems with them like some strange badge of honor?

Suffering is not a ‘badge of honor.’ It does not make you more interesting, more spiritual, or a better person. Perhaps for some suffering has long been associated with being a better person. I assure you however, playing the martyr for its sake alone, will not help you, or anyone else become more enlightened.

The problem with being the victim is you will miss out on experiencing the beauty of the present moment.

If we constantly are dredging up the issues of the past we make enjoying what ‘is’ impossible!

We all have an unlimited supply of Love-consciousness inside of our being. This unfaltering supply of love, fulfillment and creativity is always available to us whenever we want to tap into it. Until we reconnect to this source of unconditional love we will feel insecure, and incomplete.

When we experience love-consciousness, we realize that everything is perfect exactly as it is. This does not mean we shouldn’t want to improve our situations and grow. Evolution is the nature of life, and everything is always moving forward; but if we choose to embrace the beauty of what is happening right now, instead of focusing on what we perceive as wrong, love grows, instead of fear.

We must learn to be okay with the natural cycles of life. Letting go of feelings of sadness and regret. It is of the utmost importance for your own happiness to realize creation and destruction as natural parts of life.

We must learn to embrace simplicity and spontaneity and let go of the questions, controls, and opinions.

In order to find true freedom from suffering, we need to begin to find happiness within. As adults, we may resist taking responsibility for our own unhappiness. It’s easier to blame the enviroment we live in, our parents, lovers, friends, our bosses, and so on. We can change our external circumstances, but in reality that will never change anything.

The outside is just a mirror of our own discontent. Fulfillment, peace, joy, and love do not come from outside, they come from the inside.

If we find ourselves constantly chasing romance and feel an aching inside to be desired what we may be actually seeking is a distraction: the excitement and fantasy are just ways of avoiding the lack of love we feel within ourselves. When we truly connect to the love within ourselves, this need for distraction falls away. All the expectations we place on the outside and on our partners — all the reasons we feel unfulfilled within our relationships — just vanish, because we have created a relationship with ourselves. Once you have discovered love of self, romance might appear in your life as an added bonus, but it will no longer be a requirement for your contentment.

When people are complete within themselves, they stop needing to protect, control, or grasp because the nature of love, is to give to every aspect of itself. Love perceives itself in everything. It perceives no scarcity or lack.

We can find freedom from our addiction to suffering when we choose, instead, to focus on love.

3 thoughts on “Are You Addicted to Being Unhappy?

  1. Hello, and thank you 🙂 This was an interesting read.

    I have a few questions though, if you don’t mind answering? :

    – what motivated you to write this?
    – was it written from past experience?
    – are these your thoughts or that of a particular Yoga belief system?

    I understand it is an old post so digging up reasons and motivations for writing might be difficult!

    Your blog is very extensive. It’s nice to see your passion for Yoga expressed and shared with people.

    So yes, once again – Thanks, and I would be very interested to hear your opinions 🙂


    p.s. I know nothing about Yoga. I stumbled across this page after a google search.

    1. I had just finished a 5 year relationship when I wrote this and realized how important it is not to blame others for how we feel. It is so easy to do that when you are in the midst of a breakup. You tend to lose perspective and sometimes blame the other person for your unhappiness. Anyhow, it became clear to me that I needed to take some responsibility for creating my own internal drama and stop blaming or playing the victim of circumstance. The Yoga Sutras says that when disturbed by negative thoughts, opposite (positive) ones should be thought of. This is pratipaksha bhavana. Thank you so much for reading!

      Much love,

  2. Hi Angela,

    I just wanted to say thank you for your reply. I hope you are very well now and enjoying life as you hope to be!

    Take care,

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